Corey Gouker's Machine Inside the Mind

This is something I'd not normally post here but I feel compelled to do so to hopefully gain some outside perspective. Basically, I feel like I'm going through a quarter life crisis, but a year or so early. Ever since I got into geekdom my first PC in December '95 and later got into beta testing Windows just a bit after that, I've been pretty set on what I wanted. I didn't go to high school and instead got my GED at 16, I went to college for a year in England, then for a bit in San Jose, but then I got what I was working for all that time and got a job at Microsoft (and yeah this is the first time I've literally said I work there on this site).

For the last year or so I've pretty much led the life I thought I always wanted, I had a girlfriend that was fantastic, I've got a great car, a nice apartment, pretty much all the toys I could possibly ever want as well. It's seriously gotten to the point where all I want for myself now is to relax, go on nice long vacations travelling to all the places I've dreamed of with the girl I'm in love with.

Granted because I've gone just a bit beyond my means and I spent too much money on college and living in England I've got a nice lump of debt that I have hanging over me. I kinda feel like this is all just a fact of life and such so I'm in this position where I'm looking for houses so that I could consolidate my debt into a mortgage and have one payment for that, get some room mates to reduce expenses, etc etc.

At the same time, there's this inner voice inside me that tells me I should be doing something different, it's that voice that's also behind my rebellious nature towards authority. Recent events and stress in my life has seriously got me thinking about things like this. Not to mention, I've talked to Julie quite a bit through our relationship about the shackles of adulthood. I've also talked quite about all this with my Gramps as well. I partially blame him anyway for seeding the desire to travel the world and do something unique and different.

I've really been into photography for some time. Coupled with the desire to travel and have my contribution to the humans on the planet be something more than just ensuring that Media Center is a little less buggy. I've given serious thought into doing humanitarian work, doing photo journalism, or who knows what along those lines.

I guess that is where I'm lost at the moment. I love working at Microsoft, even as a contractor, some days it sucks some days it's great, but the people I know there are awesome... and it is work after all. I've justified my entire crisis of adultdom on the fact that the grass is always greener and these are the facts of life and no matter what I'm working on there's going to be stress. Because of my trouble with authority, I'm not too sure I'm cut out for a long standing corporate job.

My Dad worked out Southern California Edision for something like 15 years, he's definitely going through a mid-life right now. I don't really want to be working at Microsoft for 15 years and then start going through the same thing. I typically just go with the flow and relax and whatever comes will come, but I also am the type to get my mind made up and work non stop till I get there.

Meanwhile I can't really figure out what I'd do as an alternative. I'm not even too sure what professions are out there that would help fulfill my wild eyed dreams of travel and making even a small difference in the world. You know, trying not to have too many regrets looking back on life another 24 years from now.

My Gramps has suggested that maybe I just sell the car, sell pretty much everything, and travel for a year or two, or even three. Doesn't sound like that bad of an idea really but impractical, irresponsible, and not very adult like. Then again this this coming from my 83 year old grandfather. Maybe he knows something that I don't with all those years. Plus there's no reason why I can't pick up where I left off after I get that travel bug out of my head. Of course maybe I'll really fall in love with that and find something amazing during that time.

Not really sure what the true point of this post is, I guess it's just a good brain dump.